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I never really realized my age till tonight. I went out tonight with my KC Mafia girlfriends. Not actual mafia, mind you but that’s what we call ourselves. It’s a long story but anyways, we went out to do a little shopping and have dinner at PF Changs.
So we are walking around the Plaza and I notice no matter how much things change, things still stay the same. While they do change, I always feel like I’m just wandering through life. Sort of like floating down a river. Walking through the Plaza and seeing the Penguin statues. Mary, Brandy and I each had our statue that was our favorite. The GranFalloon, it’s still there. Still the same people in the same spots. Driving up Main street and seeing the same Pizza joint, the same bars, the same restaurants mixed in with the new areas like the Power and Light District just made it a little more real how outside and removed from life I’ve made myself.

Not that I miss it much. I don’t miss the hangovers, the pain in my feet, and the recovery time. I miss the comradere. I miss hanging out and talking to my friends. At the same time, while I’m walking around with my friends, my feet are just killing me. All the more reason to lose weight.

I feel like there’s just something missing and I can’t put my finger on it. So, I need some introspection and that’s what this month is about. Learning about myself and finding out what I want. What is it that I want to do? What is it that I need? And maybe, I’ll get back out there and find out what’s the missing puzzle piece of my life.

Dear The Biggest Loser,

I hate you. No, not just hate, but loathe.

LOATHE.

You obviously want to know where this strong dislike is coming from as I’m not a huge fan and have never really watched a show so why on earth should the level of dislike be this bad. What have I ever done to you, you say.

You are a liar. I don’t like liars. Now, let me say upfront that on the face I never said you were supposed to tell the truth about how your morbidly obese contestants lose weight. I, unlike many, are not so savvy. I knew from the get go that you were doing something to get those people to lose double digit weigh losses every week. I’m not that dumb. The problem is you’re making bank off of people’s fallibility and that makes me mad. Every week, average joes watch that show and see rotund fatties of immense portions loose 5, 8 and even 10 pounds in one week. What you forget to mention is THIS ISN’T HEALTHY!!!!!!! Even for them it isn’t healthy.

Drives me insane. Healthy is 1-2 pounds a week. Sustainable weight loss is gradual. Not done quickly. It’s also done in a setting where these people are working out 5-6 hours a day. Yes, I’d lose 100 pounds in three months if I were working out all day long, eating a strict diet of what a chef prepared me and had nothing better to do. Sure thing.

It’s only a matter of time till someone drops dead on that show or someone tries to duplicate the effects and winds up hurting themselves.

In the meantime, I did buy your scale. But, I’ll be damned if Jillian is going to get her hands on me.

Yesterday was my father’s 71st birthday. While it’s amazing to me that he’s lived 71 years, it’s also a bit bittersweet. He mentioned yesterday that it wouldn’t be till 2047 that I would be his age.

I thought to myself, “If I live that long.”

All this was brought on by the fact that I purchased a new scale and it said something I’d rather not talk about. You know all those moments when you say, “This is it. I’ve hit rock bottom.” I can’t tell you how many times with my weight I’ve said that and ignored it.

I can’t ignore this. I can’t brush it off. It frightened me. I have to make a change or I won’t even see 40 years of age. This can’t go on any longer.

So, I changed. One egg for breakfast instead of two. Small bit of bacon. One cup of coffee with sugar free creamer. I even worked out for about 10 minutes. I have to continue this and it can’t stop.

I won’t stop. I want to see 2047.

I have finished my Ruffle Scarf! The surgery on the hand worked.

Pictures to come…once I find my camera. Or pictures will come when I grab my cell phone and snap a few.

Either way, pictures and a full post to come.

I was reading this article about bullying in schools and honestly, I about hit my head on the desk when I finished.

Bullied kids are social pariah?

No…how about other kids are just mean. Kids are mean. They point out the glaringly obvious. I’ve been with a kid who’s pointed out the fattest person in the room quite loudly. They don’t mean anything about it but they do it.

Now bullies, how about them being social pariah? How are they not the messed up people?

I was bullied as a kid and honestly, it took a while to get over it. I had to teach myself that it wasn’t my fault, it was theirs. This article basically says, “You’re weird.” It’s basically saying, “The bully is bulling because they are right.You are fat. You are stupid. You are a weirdo.”

Wrong. You may be that but that doesn’t give anyone a right to be mean and kids, again are mean. Perhaps if we stop worrying about the kids who are being bullied and protect them, maybe they wouldn’t feel the need to be shy, be upset or even worse, kill themselves.

Now, a few friends of mine have told me that I’m wrong and Imbolc is Feb 1st. My calendar says Feb 2nd and that’s what I’m going with.

Imbolc, according to Wikipedia, is “one of the four principal festivals of the Celtic calendar and one of the eight sabbats of the Wheel of the Year.” Yes, it’s wiccan in nature.

Ironically enough, also according to Wikipedia, “Imbolc is traditionally a time of weather prognostication, and the old tradition of watching to see if serpents or badgers came from their winter dens.” Ah! What does that sound like?

Groundhog Day!!!

Now, I’m going to watch Groundhog Day and pray that Punxsutawney Phil is wrong.

I am a makeup fiend. FIEND! I seriously love makeup. Now, I’m not a guru by any means like many of the lovely people I watch on youtube, of which, the list is very very long and would do them no service to list them.

So part of my love of makeup comes the love of doing something with my face other than just put lotion on it. This is of course coming from the girl who wore NO makeup in college. It was the 90’s. What can I say.

I will post the colors I have but a short list of them are

China Glaze Dorothy Who?

China Glaze Limbo Bimbo (I just got a second bottle of this. I had one earlier. Love the neon pink)

China Glaze Strawberry Fields

OPI Thanks So Muchness!, Absolutely Alice and Mad as a Hatter! of the Alice in Wonderland collection. I would have got Off With Her Red! but it was a little too orange for me. I got the large bottles, not the small collection. So far, love the colors. My only issue, and this is an issue with OPI, not the color per say is I hate the new OPI brush in the bottles. I have pretty wide finger nails and I end up having to swath a ton of color on my nails to get good coverage.

The biggest question is what’s the difference between Absolutely Alice and Dorothy Who?. They are both blue glitter colors, right? Well, they both take three coats of color to really look good but Alice is slightly paler blue than Dorothy. The gllitter is darker in Dorothy as well. I like them both, color wise. Wear wise, they take forever to get off but will chip off in large chunks. That’s my only complaint.

I’ll put some color pictures up later

The diet not going so well. Well, I’m eating well but just in case you were curious, Chick-Fil-A and Kentucky Fried Chicken are not really all that healthy.

Sorry. I know.

I’m doing better today.

Sunday’s random bloggy goodness theme is February.  According to Wikipedia (take that source for what it’s worth) “February was named after the Latin term februum, which means purification, via the purification ritual Februa held on February 15 in the old Roman calendar.” So perhaps we should do our resolutions in February instead of January.

For February, NaBloPoMo’s theme is Ties and I will be participating. Of course, I could blog about neckwear all February but I think I’m going to take the suggestion to blog this month about ties of things to you. That means a blog a day. I know. Can I do this? Well, my hand’s back in action and I think it’s possible.

February is also my daddy’s birthday month.  Happy Birthday Daddy. He will get the 20th, by the way.

February is also the dreaded month of Looooooove. I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day but I do believe it has it purpose. I am not one of those people that just thinks it’s all just a Hallmark holiday. People need love and showing that at least one day a year is always a good thing. I think this Valentine’s day, you should show people you care.

It’s also National Black History Month so I may blog about that as well. Since I’m not black, I may not have a whole lot of insight but at least I’ll give it a shot.

The other thing I know I’m going to blog about is Imbolic. I am not wiccan nor a witch but I do subscribe to natural relgious symbolism and try to understand it. I actually don’t subscribe to an actual ‘church’ even though I guess if you truly asked me I’m a Roman Catholic. But I would say I sort of follow my own path. I believe in God and Jesus and all that but I also follow mother nature and try to listen to nature and understand it. I know there’s plenty of people who would say I’m wrong or whatever. I’m pretty content to believe that God doesn’t really care what path you follow to get to him, just as long as you get there. Am I wrong? Who knows. I guess we’ll all find out when we get to wherever it is we’re going after this life.

Anyways, I am resolving myself to post every day of February. They say it takes 22 days to start a habit. February has 28. Just six extra days. We can do it.

I’m also resolving myself to work out at least every morning and track my food via Weight Watchers.

I think I may also try a few recipies from the ole Weight watchers cookbook and see how they are. I’ll post the book, where you can find it and how everything tasted along with the calories and so forth.

So that’s the plan for February.

I know it sounds completly corny to say I came to this decision while watching Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew but in all honesty, that’s when I did make the decision.

I have a problem. I need to lose weight.

I’m not talking like 30 pounds of baby fat or 50 pounds. More than 100 pounds to be exact.

I have a problem.

Food is my problem. It has taken over my life and become the all encombasing thing that keeps me going. It’s the replacement for my future husband. It has become the replacement for my future children. It tells me “Why go out on a Friday night where people are just going to look at you and your huge belly. Stay home with me and I’ll keep you happy.”

I’m ashamed. I am not afraid to say that. But like the people on Celebrity Rehab, I just couldn’t stop. I am lucky though. I haven’t gone so far that there’s not a road back. There’s always a road back. It’s there for everyone. You just have to take a step and change the path. Admit that you are weak and human. You make mistakes and for whatever reason, you are here. You don’t like here and you want to leave.

I am here. This is the end of this long journey. I’ve learned all I can learn on this path and it’s time to take a new one.

Well, I’m at home today and i can explain the reason for my lack of posting.

That’s the reason on the left. You can’t really see the bruising very well but honestly, it’s very hard to type when you can’t feel the keys. I’ve had severe carpel tunnel. I had carpel tunnel surgery a few days ago and now, i’m going to have some more meds.

more posts to come soon once i’m all healed.